Thanks to that one Person

I feel like my blog (this place here) used to be my online diary. As silly as this may sound, I felt completely anonymous here, writing about almost anything, and really everything that goes on in my life. I felt secure sharing things that I wasn't sharing with anyone in my "real" life, most of these were simple teenage girl drama things, like girl soandso was rude that day, and I couldn't complain to my friends about it because she was also their friend. Others were a little more deep though, like what I wanted in the future, how school was going, and how I was feeling. Those kind of things I didn't share because, I didn't have anyone I wanted to share them with. I've never been the best at talking about personal things with people, but on my blog it was so much easier because I felt anonymous. Not just that though, but the people who read here always commented suggestions or just nice things that made me feel better.

Somewhere along the way my blog went from just a few people, who probably were just reading out of sympathy for me, reading me blog to a whole lot more than that. Last year about this time I started getting a whole lot of sponsorship opportunities, and advertisements, and I was able to make my blogging hobby into a part time job. At first my blog didn't change that much, but since a lot of those things were tied to page views, I started writing more often, and sharing a whole lot more about myself. Around that same time my "friend" found out about my blog, which I was pretty mad to begin with, but I ended up making him a kind of fixture on here. At first it was because that's what I thought he would want me to.  I mean I'm posting about all about my life, so for him I figured it it felt pretty weird not to be even mentioned. I would share the presents I was getting him for his birthday or what he got me, and  post all of the pictures from the days we huge out, and these posts were quite popular.

When my friend was auditioning for something he'd put a lot of time into I decided (after asking permission of course) to show this video of what he was doing. Before this I had complained about him a little bit, mostly annoyed at how focused he was on this audition instead of me! I didn't mean anything by it, and since I still felt anonymous here I didn't see a problem, I did notice though that these kind of posts did  pretty well in the page view department which is never a bad thing. With that video I shared I also did a Q & A with some of the questions, about him and his audition that I had been receiving both in the comments and in emails. After he made it through what I'd call the first round of auditions I wrote about that and did a post on how he'd be living what this would mean for me (because this is a blog all about me) and how I felt. Somewhere during that time I also complained a little, okay a lot, about how much less time of his I was getting because he was so busy. Just he isn't doing this for me any more kind of a whiny thing.

I never thought though that someone would take it upon themselves to do what they did. Through the video that I had posted, they found his actual name, and decided to email, multiple times I think, the people that my friend was auditioning for. They pretended to be me, making a fake email that looks a whole lot like mine and said they were pregnant with his child. Now I've never seen these emails so I can't say what they looked like, if they were if even believable, if they used all that personal information that I realize now that I shouldn't have put up to make them look more real, or if it was just some stupid "hey I'm pregnant you should throw away his audition" kind of a thing. Whatever it was, it was obviously convincing enough for them to believe it and ask my friend to explain himself. Luckily they believed him, and I think it ended up not being such a big deal, but it doesn't matter. 

Thanks to this one person my friend could have lost one of the biggest opportunities of his career, and why? Because whoever this person is thought I was unhappy having to share my friend, and wanted to fix my problem or maybe they were trying to get the blame on me, they did use my name. When I first found out I was kind of in shock, this whole time I was going around writing and thinking I was anonymously sharing my feelings and obviously that ended up not being the case. This person knew exactly what they were doing when they found my friends name, and then found out who to email to try and get him out of the audition and its partially my fault. 

If it wasn't for me, complaining about the little things he did, because I liked the extra page views, and comments about how great I am, then maybe it wouldn't have happened. If I wouldn't have over shared all of this personal some of which wasn't mine to share in the first place, then this person wouldn't have even been able to attempt to ruin what my friend was working so hard for. 

Since this whole thing happened I've been worried that although my friend hasn't outright said it, that he blames me for what could have been awful for him. I used to be afraid that whenever he didn't text me back he was dead but now I think that its because this person (whoever you are I really do hate you) has sent another email, or even worse he decided that it was actually me the whole time. There's nothing I can do about it either except apologize because if it wasn't for this place here nothing would have ever happened, and hope he forgives me. I wish that I could say more about how sorry I am but its just so bad that I don't know what to say. This has been his dream since he was a kid, and in a way how I met him in high school.

 He's worked so hard probably thousands of hours towards it and is from what everyone seems to think (I'm a terrible judge of this kind of ability, if you witnessed what I did you'd understand), he's really great at it, I'd never never try to ruin something like this for anyone let alone my best friend. I can't imagine anyone who would do this, knowing, and they did know how much this meant to him (along with my complaints I was sure to mention this multiple times), but it doesn't matter anymore. I've removed any of those kind of posts, and in the future I'll be a lot more careful about what I say and what I share, most importantly though those emails didn't work, and my friend got what he was trying so hard for in his audition. I just hope my friend can forgive me. 

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