Normally I write everyday, and when I'm having a really busy week every other day. Writing my blog posts is what I love to do. Even if its just silly pictures of food I've eaten or how I made a wool appliqué pillow (which ended up doing very well) this is what's fun for me. I don't really care how many people read it, or what they think of me, okay maybe a little but its not the main thing, I just really like what I do. For a little while now I've even been getting paid to do different things here, enough to even consider this a part time job, which is great in so many ways.
There has been a problem though, and that would be summer school. Last semester was hard, taking an English class with a crazy teacher who kept changing her mind about what she wanted, and a Math teacher who takes points off for using an "x" instead of a "*" for multiplication, but it ended up alright, although I was very stressed out, I passed both classes (with B's) and thought I'd be done for summer. Well I was wrong. There's a second semester that I was forced to take, or "get a job" well the thing is I already have one but no one seems to care. It makes more money than I could at a normal teenager job, but I guess to my parents blogging isn't real, so I took two more classes. The abnormal psychology isn't bad, but the math, with the teacher I had before is killing me. I'm so behind and with three lessons a class period there is no way I can even catch up. I ask her for help and all I get is "look at your notes". I had a chance, after seeing that I had received a C+ on a test that I worked really hard on, to drop the class, but my parents wouldn't let me. So now when I fail the class, which I will I'll have to take it again. The worst part is it doesn't even go towards my major, its just a summer class that had room in my schedule.
To tell the truth I don't want to major in anything. I don't want a college degree, every one asks me what I want to major in, and I never have an answer because really I don't want any major. I just want to write here. My parents have always told me I can be whatever I want to be, I just have to be happy doing it, and I've found that, I really have. I don't care that I could make 3 or 4 times as much will a college degree, I'd be miserable. I am right now. For the past week and a half I've cried every day about this class, a class I could have dropped. I guess them saying they'd support me in anything I wanted to do wasn't really true, because it has to be something think I should do.
I'm so tired of it. I see their point about going to college, but it isn't for everyone. It doesn't matter how smart I am if it isn't something I want to do. The worst part though is that since I can't spend any time writing, my blog is suffering (as are my relationships) meaning I'll end up being stuck in school because the only way I could become a full time blogger is if I moved out. Without writing though I'll never make enough to do that and it'll all be a downhill slide for hannamarielei.com